According to Wikipedia, Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, discern between different feelings, and label them appropriately. It’s about using emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).

Emotional Intelligence

To me is about having a state of awareness at all times that enables you to unconsciously make shifts in your behavior while managing your emotions when in the presence of different personalities. It requires a high level of adaptation to situations and environments in hopes of achieving a successful outcome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah but what has EI got to do with Financial Independence (FI), well a lot! but first, let me set the stage so that you can start connecting the dots.

When I started learning about Financial Independence, I immediately became captivated by the idea and felt overwhelmed by the amount of information out there waiting to be discovered.

Books, podcasts, and a number of blogs became my go-to sources of information fueling my desire to grow my knowledge exponentially. It felt like trying to drink from a water hose but I was OK with that.

Once the foundational layers were in place, (at least based on my priorities and goals) I decided to start sharing practical tips that could help others around me. This came with its own set of challenges.

Money Talks Are Taboo

Obviously, nobody had a clue I was learning all this stuff (except for my wife) but the minute I saw an opening to engage I took advantage of it.

As you may imagine people were not ready for that conversation and I should have known better. I guess excitement took the best of me.

Lacking EI did not help my case.

Being frugal came across as being extremely cheap. Below are some of the popular comments:

“Why do you always ask so many questions”,

“Why do you have to challenge everything”,

“I’m not like you”,

“Just let it go”

At this point, you must be thinking about words such as “annoying” or “obsessed” and you’re probably right.

Looking back, I realize I could have done a better job.

Through the course of my short path to FI, I’ve remained objective but mindful of people’s opinions and perspectives.

I mean, how could I not be?; do I believe I know it all? … hell no; however, I’ve come to learn a few things around PF that are worth sharing especially if the potential is there for someone to benefit from actionable advice.

But let me ask you a question … are you ready to have an open conversation about money? … I will say that in 9 out of 10 and in some cases 10 out of 10 the answer will be a firm NO.

Talking about money is taboo and for some reason uncomfortable for a lot of people. It might be even worse than talking to my dad about sex 🙂

Regardless, I’ve tried engaging multiple times but failed miserably. I guess I still don’t have the magic recipe right?. If you have it, please share it with me but please don’t charge me because I’ll ask for a deal :).

Be Patient And Ready

After doing some reflection, I’ve come to the realization that some folks are just not ready to have a conversation about money and maybe never will.

If that is the case, am I willing to remain indifferent and just let stuff happen without saying a thing?.

After careful thought my answer is YES and here’s WHY:

• It is hard to embrace unsolicited advice.
• There has to be a willingness to learn or to have an interest in the topic.
• The best learning takes place through your own experiences, not through someone else’s.
• Something has to click … think of it as an AHA moment.
• For some people, reality comes true when shit hits the fan.

If you’re thinking I’ve given up … The answer is NO, instead, I’m living my life and letting people come to me (if they ever come) when they’re ready to talk. In addition, the whole idea of starting a blog was to avoid uncomfortable conversations while still getting my message across.

Has this strategy worked? … I would say that early results are highly encouraging. I’ve been getting on and off phone calls and emails from individuals asking for advice.

My dad, who in the past would never say a thing about money because … well,  he was older and was supposed to be teaching me, now reaches out!

I’m looking forward to hearing from others (including you) but in the meantime, I will continue to capitalize on the 5 elements of emotional intelligence in the context of PF.

The 5 Elements of Emotional Intelligence

1. Self-Awareness

Today, I pay a lot of attention to personal moods, emotions, and drives which in the end go a long way in facilitating my decision making process.

If for whatever reason I’m asked to comment on specific topics on PF, I’m careful with my word selection and delivery method just to make sure there’s a match between my intention and people’s perception.

2. Self-Regulation

Controlling your emotions is not easy, especially when engaging in heated debates. I try to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods as much as I possibly can.

I’m also pushing myself really hard to do more listening instead of talking so that I can have the time to think and respond more effectively in a given situation. As a rule of thumb, I also remain silent especially if nothing positive is going to come out of my mouth.

3. Internal Motivation

It pays dividends to be explicit about your intent and motivation. If you don’t state that at the very beginning then it could lead to unintended misunderstandings.

You might be surprised but, I’ve been asked what’s in it for you? my response is just a state of disbelief and the realization I’ve screwed up in some way or fashion.

Nowadays, I set the stage by providing my reasons which in general circle topics related to happiness, living a meaningful life, curiosity in learning all things PF, and most importantly sharing as appropriate.

4. Empathy

People call me naive but one of my strengths is that I tend to be an optimistic individual and always give people the benefit of the doubt.

I believe there’s tremendous value in getting context (especially around PF) and understanding someone’s intent so that you can properly translate the meaning of emotions and actions.

5. Social Skills

I would like to believe I’m putting an effort in managing relationships and building networks.

My goal is to find common ground by listening … and I mean listening, which in my world means getting to know the person as a human being; what they like, dislike, and what ultimately drives them.

Turning The Volume Down

EI is a soft skill I definitely want to continue to get better at.

I’ve been able to use these concepts at work and other settings; however, I’ve faced lots of challenges; with heated debates that have brought less than nice comments to my ways of life.

In the PF community, this appears to be a common theme.

For some reason, terms like FI, FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early), and frugality are mislabeled to such a degree that we tend to be categorized as freaks or weirdos. I think that’s wrong.

Just because we are trying to do things differently instead of following the “norm”, it does not mean there has to be something wrong with us.

With that being said, let me share the five rules (leveraging EI) I use to control and influence all the “noise” around me. This is common sense stuff that allows me to effectively “turn the volume down”.

Know Your Audience

No value in bringing topics that are of no interest to the crowd. Even if you hear things you don’t agree with, realize information and context are everything.

The personal aspect of PF could be a driving factor behind decisions being made in front of you so don’t judge if you don’t want to be judged and live and let live. Learn to appreciate healthy conflict and if asked, share your perspective without enforcing a hidden agenda.

Perception Is Not Always Reality

I’ve always believed that perception is in fact reality; however, in the context of PF, this is not necessarily true.

Being frugal has nothing to do with being cheap or miserable. If you live a meaningful life investing in things that bring you joy and happiness then who cares what others think?.

I’m a simple guy, as long as we have our faith, stay healthy, and together as a family then it’s all good.

No To Lifestyle Inflation

We are very fortunate.

I have a job I’m passionate about that happens to pay very well; however, we don’t believe in the direct connection between income and lifestyle.

• We do not need to drive new cars or change them every 2-5 years.
• We do not need to go on expensive vacations
• We do not need to eat at fancy restaurants all the time

In short, we don’t need to spend a ton of money to be happy so our plan is to keep doing the things we love while delaying gratification in hopes of achieving FI sooner than anticipated.

Peer Pressure Is Overrated

How many times do you find yourself doing stuff to please others? If you are, then I urge you to stop.

Invest in experiences that bring true happiness, surround yourself with like-minded individuals, and don’t let others influence your financial decisions.

Stop Trying To Impress Others

Nobody cares about the brand of car your drive, nor the school you went to (or still go to) or how much money you make or spend.

If you have kids, please don’t comparing them with others to make yours look smarter.

Invest your time wisely and live your life for who you are and the legacy you want to leave behind.

Final Thoughts

Instead of adding some bullets like I normally do, I encourage you to think about these five rules and see if you have others you would like to share that I could include!

Until next time … JJ