Last year was without a doubt, one of the most challenging ones in my professional career. As a team, we accomplished major goals, but more importantly, we made significant strides on key initiatives that will set us up for success in the new year. While this is all great news, as an outsider, you might think that I should be nothing but proud of 2018. Don’t get me wrong, I am; however, I can’t avoid feeling frustrated, exhausted, tired, burned out and in need of a sabbatical.

Why, you may ask?

Well, as it turned out, most of our projects where somewhat disruptive and aimed at optimizing existing processes where WE saw tremendous value.

Planning and documentation of business requirements were critical steps of our strategy. We engaged our customers to understand and agree on the definition of done; however, we parted ways and instead of delivering small increments, we changed the definition of done without consulting with the product owner, and ultimately delivered the best solution no one ever wanted. In other words, we failed.

As you can imagine, the outcome wasn’t pretty. When we presented our solution everybody in the room was speechless and nobody understood our delivery. If I could describe the body language from everyone I would summarize it as an overwhelming WTF.

At this point, you’re probably thinking … dude, you neglected to follow the golden rules of agile and scrum. How in the world did you expect to have a win when in presence of all these mistakes?

As a team leader, I saw the value of our offering and gave the green light to move forward. Looking back, I should have consulted with the product owner to get buy-in and support shifting course. I did not, and that is what led to our miss. My team was frustrated and did not understand why our solution was rejected (even though It did optimize the process). Honestly, the answer is simple, we placed our needs ahead of our customer’s

As a team lead, I should have known better, but honestly, who cares about excuses?. To me, what was more important was thinking and discussing our learnings so that we could fail forward.

Self Awareness

Self-awareness is one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence. I’ve talked about EI in previous posts and considered these concepts to be very well cemented in my head. The same could be said about leading with intent and being aware of perceptions.

As a team leader, one of my responsibilities is to provide feedback to members of the team. I complain about how much time this takes, but I take a lot of pride in providing and receiving constructive feedback and seeing people grow in their roles. In addition, I’m also asked to rank these folks and communicate my observations to my supervisor and upper management at least 4 times during the year. Last year was rough.

During one of these sessions, I was asked about the ranking and, more specifically, about where a member of my team stood compared to the rest. This individual had created a reputation of defensiveness and stubbornness that preceded him/her even before joining my team. I was aware of this reputation and brought it up as part of our 1:1 conversations.

In my opinion, this individual made tremendous progress during the year. Not only did I witness improvements on self-awareness but also delivery and support of impactful projects. Despite my efforts to highlight these accomplishments, it didn’t matter. Folks acknowledge the quality of work; however, the focus was still centered around reputation.

After what I would consider a heated, but very respectful debate, I exited the room realizing that once you build a reputation (in particular a bad one) it is difficult for some individuals to let go and give someone a second chance. This may sound harsh but this has been my experience so far.

If you’ve read the five dysfunctions of a team, you’ll notice that absence of trust and fear of conflict are the two that stand at the bottom of the pyramid. Overcoming these dysfunctions require vulnerability and standing up to your beliefs and trusting to speak your opinion and welcoming healthy and respectful debates.

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Financial Independence

I feel lucky in that I’m passionate about what I do and plus I get compensated fairly. While this is all great, I’m not the type of guy who let’s a job define who I am or who I’d like to be. Lately, I’ve been thinking about that statement and feel I’ve failed miserably. Why? one word for you … fear.

But this fear is not necessarily about losing my job instead is about limiting my ability to provide for my family and putting an unintentional pause to our financial goals. Let me remind you that we are a one-income family so the stakes are high. Financially, we’ve kept our feet on the ground so If something were to happen, we would be fine; however, we have not yet reached FI.

When I discovered the financial independence community, my mindset shifted to one targetting financial goals that would bring optionality into our lives. Technically, this is defined as the point when you have investments that generate enough income to cover your monthly expenses. As Jim Collins states it in the clip below, I call this having FU Money.

We are still on our way toward achieving FI but lately, I’ve been wishing I was there already.

Reaching FI is not a pre-requisite for taking action but it does put you in control and facilitates risk management. If for some reason stress were to become the main theme of my every day, I could part ways and either switch roles internally or explore options externally without any major concerns.

Leaving your job does not have to be the only answer; however, If you’re currently experiencing on-going and neverending pain at your workplace, update your resume and LinkedIn profile, visit your companies hiring portal to evaluate an internal move in line with your career aspirations and above all, please have a financial plan in place.

Grit

One of my goals in 2018 was to read not only personal finance books but to include others about leadership and entrepreneurship. I didn’t have a set list but one that caught my attention was Angela Ducksworth’s “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance”. The timing could have not been better. Feel free to check out Angela’s Ted Talk about Grit.

All chapters resonated but my main takeaway was the following:

Yes, last year brought unexpected challenges and failures but you know what … who hasn’t had a rough year? If you believe you will always have perfect years poised with flawless decision making then you’re either God or just a plain fool. Please be honest with yourself and have realistic expectations. Yes, I’m talking to me right now :).

But what about perseverance? If passion is the fuel in the fire of action then perseverance is about not giving up, pursuing the right goal, and developing an ability to deal with setbacks and failure on the way.

This book came at the right time and helped me get a different perspective about all the events that happened last year. The culture in which we live, and with which we identify, powerfully shapes just about every aspect of our being. It’s ok to agree to disagree but as long as you:

• stand up to your beliefs,
• remain respectful,
• focus on what you can control (while trying to influence those you can’t control),
• demonstrate determination, resiliency, and tenacity

…then you should be fine.

Gratitude

According to Psychology Today, Gratitude is defined as “an emotion expressing appreciation for what one has—as opposed to what one wants or thinks they need”. Practicing gratitude means paying attention to what we are thankful for to the degree of feeling more kind and compassionate toward the world and more directly, of our surroundings at large.

Frustration brings negativity and more often than not, non-stop complaining. If I look around, there’s a lot to be thankful for.
Feeling grateful should start with an acknowledgment that life is good and rewarding. Such positive thinking can be motivating especially when viewed under the lens of your priorities in life.

If you ask what my priorities are, I would start with my faith, family, and work. I won’t comment too much on number #1 (personal) but when thinking about #2 the only thing I can think of is gratitude. I have a beautiful and supportive wife and two amazing boys. Everyone has been healthy and the experiences we created last year were nothing short of incredible. I should wake up every morning and repeat “it’s great to be alive”. Yes, I’m speaking with me again :).

Work has been difficult, but looking back, I’m proud of our accomplishments and I continue to hold myself accountable for our misses. We’ve experienced both success and failure but as John C. Maxwell states in his book Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success, “Failure is simply the price we pay to achieve success”.

Optimist, Pessimist or Realist

When it comes to how we view the world, most of us fall into one of two categories: optimist or pessimist.

I’ve been writing this post surrounded by family so I decided to conduct a quick mini-survey to find out whether they saw me as an optimist or pessimist. As it turns out they see me as neither.

If that’s the case then what am I? … drum roll ….

A realist.

This result didn’t catch me off guard but It brought pause and some reflection. I agreed with the fact that I tend to be factual and analytical about situations, but for some reason, I was under the impression this fell under the category of optimism.

I found this article on medium. It does a great job navigating through the three types of mentalities: optimism, pessimism, and realism:

After reading more definitions of what makes someone a realist, I can’t but agree with the results of my mini-survey. I’m neither over-positive in assessing situations nor cynical about everything. I guess I just assess a situation and try my best to have the appropriate mindset without disillusioning myself with the “positive” or “negative” things about it.

While being a realist keeps my feet on the ground, I see myself navigating the other two mentalities based on the nature of the situation I’m dealing with. Some call this type of flexibility “situational adaptation“.

There are certainly benefits of all three mentalities and If I were asked to provide percentages I would say I’m 60% realist, 30% optimist, and 10% pessimist. I think there’s a benefit in bringing more explicit positivity into my life. Even though optimism and happiness are not the same, I strongly believe one can breed the other.

The benefits of optimism are numerous but I think that when combined with gratitude and happiness it brings nothing but positive thinking into our lives.

And while optimists are usually pegged as those who only see the positive in every situation it doesn’t mean that you ignore life’s stressors. You just approach hardship in a more productive way.

Final Thoughts

Allow me to summarize all my lessons:

• Lesson #1: Just because YOU see value in something doesn’t mean it is of value to others.
• Lesson #2: Continue to engage your customers every step of the way.
• Lesson #3: It’s not about YOU, it’s about the people YOU serve.
• Lesson #4: Stand up for your beliefs, keep your temper and have courage.
• Lesson #5: As long as you remain employed, YOU will always be dispensable. Have a Financial Plan in place and, welcome change if needed.
• Lesson #6: When you have a passion for something, you love it even when you hate it.
• Lesson #7: Life is abundant, be grateful for your loved ones, colleagues, animals and, of course, mother nature.
• Lesson #8: Know yourself, are you an optimist, pessimist or realist?
• Lesson #9: Resolve to make tomorrow a better day!

Until next time … JJ